Tall tails.

Hard times.

Monday, October 20, 2008, 5:35 PM

It's been rough these past couple of days, but it's become worse now that Margaux isn't feeling well. Mark & I drove to Palmdale on Saturday night (also brought Bonnie to drop her off) so I could check up on Margaux. She is all bones; you can clearly see her ribs. A month ago when we last saw her, she had meat on her, which was good considering the fact that she's pretty thin overall for a German Shepherd. But on Saturday night when Mark & I went to our little isolation pen in the backyard where Margaux was staying, she wasn't herself. She was wagging her tail, happy to see us, but she wasn't super hyper or barky like she usually is. Usually, she'd beg for us to open up the fence to let her out and play with the other dogs, but when I opened it, she just walked out all nonchalant. It saddened me. Usually she chases after Bonnie's neck and does that little growling sound because she loves to annoy her, but she just stood upright, barely moved, and when she walked, she'd go isolate herself. When my brother fed her the next morning, I went to check if she ate; she only ate a teaspoon. She would constantly drink water and when I let them out on the grass, she'd eat a little bit of the grass. It was annoying that it was Sunday yesterday because I really wanted to take her to the vet ASAP. She hasn't had any bowel movements or throw up recently; all she would do is go in her dog house & lay there.

This morning I called the Quartz Hills Veterinary Hospital to see if they had any room to allow me to bring Margaux in for a check-up. By 9:30am, Margaux & I arrived at the vet's office, and she got weighed in. She's 52lb, 10lb less of what she was when she would stay with me at my last job. She looked so depressed; she'd just stand up and stare at the ground. Totally not herself. Usually she'd be so happy to be with her momma, but this morning it's like she was about to give up. The doctor asked us what had been happening; I told her all I knew: threw up a couple days ago, won't poop, hasn't eaten for a few days now (only very little, once a day), constantly drinks water, very depressed, has no energy. The veterinarian told me that they'd have to run a bunch of tests on her so she would have to board overnight. The receptionist showed me a piece of paper that stated the estimate of the bill. I was just in shock. It's about $650-750. For all that stuff. I started telling myself how big of a rip-off this place was (it's probably because it's one of the few veterinary offices in Palmdale so they have more expensive services), but I know I couldn't hold off on getting Margaux treated any longer. I want her to get help ASAP. I really wish I could take her back to Lomita with me, but it looks like I'll have to stay here in Palmdale for a couple of days to keep an eye on her.

This afternoon the veterinarian called me back to give me an update on Margaux. She said she's still feeling really down and that the xrays are showing signs of blockage in the intestines. They tried giving her medication, but it hasn't passed through so she's still not in the mood for anything. The doctor also mentioned that her pancreatic enzyme levels are high so depending on how Margaux is in the morning, they'll have to decide whether she'd have to go through surgery or not. This is so hard on me. I just can't believe how much Margaux is going through right now. And the money is hard for me right now, but this is a sacrifice I have to take. My dogs mean the world to me. Nothing will stop me from making sure they have the best care possible.

Throughout the entire day, I've been dealing with people giving me a hard time about Margaux's illness. My dad was ridiculously angry at me when I told him how much the bill cost, saying that I'm wasting my money on a dog rather than caring about myself. Sorry, but that's just not me. I will always put my dogs in front of me. Then I called the old lady (whose dog I walk) just to let her know that I probably won't be back home for a couple of days. She started talking about how I should just let Margaux be put to sleep and "from the way it seems, it really looks like you can't afford this right now." Um, lady, just because you're a fucking rich old hag doesn't mean you have the right to judge me and say rude things to me. I'm not her fucking grandchild or daughter or relative, period. She also mentioned how "dogs don't have souls because it's not indicated in the bible. So they're not going to heaven anyway." WHAT THE FUCK?! Who asked for your religious views, lady? She always does these kinds of things; she judges other religions because she's soooooo God damn Christian & shit. When I first met her, she started talking about how Buddhism is based on worshiping idols. Another day, she talked about how Catholics aren't serious about their religion, and that her friend "flicked" Jesus off the crucifix & they all laughed about it. Like wtf? I'm Catholic, for one, and even though I'm not as religious as I used to be, this lady shouldn't be talking about this stuff in front of me. She knows I'm Catholic too. Having faith in your religion is great, good for you, but to judge and force other people into your religion is another thing. I really wish I could just hand that stupid bible back to her that she gave me. I'm sick of ignorant people. I really can't stand it when people don't have an open mind, but then again, what can I do? People are the way they are.

Well, I did my treadmill time for the day, and watching Dexter helped me relax a little (until that lady started talking her shit). I'm probably gonna go outside & spend time with the retrievers. Bonnie is misbehaving now that she's back home in Palmdale. Little biatch. I seriously wish everyone could meet my dogs. They're really somethin' else.