Tall tails.

Here we go again...

Saturday, September 27, 2008, 9:54 AM

So Thursday night I had an epiphany. Mark & I got into this big argument (over something really stupid)--we got all crazy on each other, breaking and throwing shit everywhere in the room, and he ended up ripping apart my PVAS school application. He was yelling shit like, "YEAH, GO HOME TO YOUR FUCKING DOGS. GO PAY FOR YOUR OWN FUCKING TUITION AND BECOME A VETERINARY TECHNICIAN..YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE ANY FUCKING MONEY ANYWAY; YOU'LL BE A NOBODY." And I was there crying, thinking, "God I hate him..I FUCKING HATE HIM." And I was contemplating over every damn thing that popped up into my head. I was ready to leave, just like I did at the beginning of the year. I was ready to get up and go back home to my parents.

Then I thought to myself about what I really wanted in my life. Was I seriously happy? Do I want to go to this school? Or am I just desperate for a way out? Was I being pressured too much? Am I overly stressing myself out? I was going crazy because I felt so angry at Mark since he always has the power to make me feel so pissed that I want to give up.

And THEN I thought, Why the fuck should I care what everyone else thinks of me? I would rather challenge myself into doing something I love instead of having it easy and take something I MAY love, but not as much as what I'm doing right now. As much as I hate working early in the morning or having an unbalanced schedule, I don't wanna leave my job. It's something I've gotten so used to (for the first time in my life). I always quit my jobs, but not this one. And maybe veterinary technology ISN'T for me. I kept telling myself since 2007, I want to be a veterinary tech, I want it so bad. Then I got this job at the dog day care, and I realize how much fun I have spending time with dogs more than anything. I love teaching them. I mean, everyone always tells me, "You should become a dog trainer." I would always say no because for one, I'm not a good public speaker, I feel I don't always have the patience, I don't want all that responsibility. But look at me, it's what we always do at work. If I enjoy THAT, will I enjoy being a veterinary technician even more? I think Mark ripping up my application gave me a second chance to think things over. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT EVERYONE THINKS OF ME NOW. Sure, I can be indecisive and insecure. I do things without thinking twice. I become desperate at times. But seriously, this is about me, not anyone else. I'm young and only human. My dad and I talked about it. He supports whatever I want. Plus, trainers make a good amount of money; maybe this will help me start my business one day :) I'm kinda glad Mark and I got into that fight. I wouldn't have thought so much. Usually those kinda nights make me not wanna do anything. I didn't wanna go to work; I didn't wanna go to school. I felt helpless because he has the ability to make me feel weak. But again, he is the one responsible for teaching me how to be strong & fight my challenges. I went to work. I researched online. ABC (Animal Behavior College) is where I belong. Now this is something I'm more determined about than ever.

I am excited, x100.

Introducing..

Thursday, September 25, 2008, 4:08 PM

My decced out iPhone 3g [it defines "Calee"]

Dell Studio 15 Laptop

The two things that cheer me up at the moment.

Lazy Bonnie says hi.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008, 9:19 AM

Happy Birthday Daddy.

Sunday, September 14, 2008, 2:37 PM

Today's my dad's 62nd birthday. Time seriously flies. He claims that he hates celebrating his birthday. He's been having it a little rough the last few years. We don't always see eye to eye, but he means everything in the world to me (as I always say). And even though he can seriously drive me INSANE with his stubbornness, he deserves the best. I love you Daddy! I hope he enjoys the Lacoste shoes I bought him. (:

So yeah, yesterday we had a huge family party at our house in Palmdale. Mark and I got there Friday night, and I was so excited to see my babies!! Bonnie's eyes are so much better now; I'm glad she doesn't have to put up with all the tearing up and irritation. She's a happy girl! And Margaux is so LOUD! Gosh. So German Shepherd-like for her to be like that. They tend to be more owner-affiliated than with any other person/dog. Margaux seems to love my brother a lot nowadays. She's a stubborn puppy. Never listens and always barks barks barks. No wonder my dad's going crazy. Whenever I bring her to work, she just barks and follows me the entire time I'm working my shift. So this time I brought Bonnie since her left eye still needs a little more healing. There's no crazy wind/weather over here (unlike the scorching hot / windy weather in Palmdale) so maybe it'll settle down.

Anyways, back about Palmdale. When we got to the house on Friday night (at 11pm), we went to say hi to all the dogs then I went straight to cleaning. Ughhhh. That house is so hard to keep tidy. Too many areas to vacuum and sweep and mop and dust. I was pretty burnt out since I got ZERO hours of sleep the night before (AND I WORKED the next morning)..idk where I find my energy. I think I'm just used to it. I didn't ask Mark to clean because he was coughing up a storm in there so I let him just stay in the room. By 1am I was tired; watched some more of Dexter Season 1 and went to bed. I woke up at 9am. I think it's cuz I'm not used to sleeping @ that house. I said hi to my babies again, then went to cleaning. My dad said, "Clean it again a second time." GOSH. I cleaned for over 2 hours then got ready. So many people came! I barely had any room to walk around that house. GF & Joe came. It was cool especially since my parents haven't seen her in like a year or so. The food was good (I love Goldilock's puto). I stood there with Mark staring at the lechon. I don't know. I always feel bad when I see a full dead pig lying on our table. He was contemplating which part to cut. I felt bad. I still saw the teeth! And I told him to not mess up the face. I watch too many animals channels :[

So a bunch of my titas (aunties) are laying off the whole "YOU'RE GETTING FATTER" or "YOU'RE GAINING WEIGHT" that they usually rub in my face. This time it was, "Wow, you're not as chubby anymore. You look good!" DAMN STRAIGHT.

One of my uncles (who's a constant drinker) started chatting to Mark, Joe, and GF about politics (he always sounds like he's yelling but he's really just talking) and I was getting a little embarrassed because they didn't know who he was and he sounded a little crazy. I laughed because he always does this but GF & Joe have never met him. But then when he talked to me alone, he asked me, "So what are you studying for?" I told him, "I'm going to be a veterinary technician." He goes, "WHAT? WITH DOGS?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING UP NURSING..YOU'RE BETTER OFF WORKING WITH RATS!" Basically saying that I won't be making a lot of money and that I'll be a nobody. I told him, "But I love dogs. It's my passion. I've always loved animals. Taking care of dogs is what I've been doing my whole life." But he didn't understand that. I told him, "I also want to own my own business." He goes, "With DOGS?!" I said, "Yup." And he LAUGHED. Laughed like he was disgusted and that I was stupid. I told him, "People actually make a lot of money owning a business for dogs, believe it or not." He laughed again. I come from such a Filipino family. WHAT THE FUCK else is better to them than being a nurse? Idk. I told my dad about it, and he told my relatives how much I hate getting bugged about that shit. He told them, "I let her do what she loves; I let her be." My dad has my back now. (: Some of my aunts understood, I guess.

Anyways, by 10pm Mark & I were doing his homework (YUP, the two of us, not just him lol). And by that time I was seriously BURNT OUT. I wanted to sleep, but there were 4 families from Vegas that were sleeping over, and some other relatives as well. Then I thought to myself, "I want to be able to SLEEP in peace..on an actual bed, not on the ground or on a couch." And knowing Mark, he gets moody when he can't sleep in a bed. So we decided to go home. I told my dad Happy Birthday at midnight and got Bonnie ready to head home with us. I felt like this weekend was exhausting. I still am exhausted. I'm at work right now; the dogs are super quiet. (: Hopefully this week will be a better week than the past couple weeks. I've been really stressed since after our San Diego trip. I had the idea that it would bounce back like that. Sigh.

Well Happy mid-September everyone. I'm gonna eat my Costco salad and watch P.S. I Love You (yup, the movie freak that I am). GOODNIGHT!

Light Blue.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008, 11:10 PM

Finally, it's mine!

2 years, 5 months.

Monday, September 8, 2008, 4:28 PM

Who saw Paramore perform at the VMAs last night? Wasn't she the cutest? I love them.

I'm exhausted. I woke up at 5:20am to get ready for work. My nose is nonstop running so I've been carrying a huge load of tissue in my pocket. I drank how many bottles of water, and I've been drinking my medicine on time. This crazy chocolate lab named Coco went ballistic on me this morning and her leash got all tangled up in my hands (because the owner decided to let her run free..why? i don't freakin' know), and she broke my nail. In half. Yup. Talk about blood. Yummmmm. I never have accidents like that happen. I'm used to working with my nails. My nails have survived fights. BUT NOOOOOO. This lab is freakin' massive. That happened around 7am, and I was telling myself, "Ok, I can withstand the pain for a couple hours..maybe Mark can bring me a nail clipper...there's barely any dogs here so I'm pretty sure there won't be any fights and definitely less cleaning." And guess what happens. A fight breaks out when I'm in the big pen. SIGH. So yeah, I pretty much just got back from Nail Factory after paying $1 to have the rest of my broken nail professionally removed. Burned like crazy. Feels a whole lot better now. What a day.

Nay's little baby turned 1 year old over the weekend. He had his little party at Northridge Park. Hung out with GF Jeanillie & Shehan. Fun stuff. I was pretty pooped cuz I came home from my overnight yesterday morning and I'm still sick so...I was burnt out. Overall it was good seeing everyone.

This is one busy week. Babe's 23rd birthday tomorrow. Gynecologist on Thursday. Dentist on Friday. Dad's house for my lola's death anniversary on Saturday. Dad's birthday on Sunday. And I work everyday. I really wish I wasn't sick. Next Friday (the 19th) is my appointment to turn in my application for school at Professional Veterinary Assistant School. Uh, so it was really last minute for me to find out that they're moving from Garden Grove to Foothill Ranch. That shit is FAR. That's like me driving passed the valley towards Valencia. So I'll be driving that distance for 3 months, twice a week. It shouldn't be as bad as I think (because I have such negative thinking). At least once I try to get into the veterinary assistant program, I can choose the online class, which would be a lotttttt more easier for me and I'll be able to work. Fun stuff.

I'm really pooped out right now, but I wanted to at least post something to update. One thing I am very excited for is Wicked next month. Finally! And I wanna go to Knott's Halloween Haunt, but I'm really chicken about being separated individually in the mazes but idk, maybe I'll man up (: I know for sure I'll practically be glued to Mark's body the entire night. Happy Monday everybody.

Veterinary Technician?

Monday, September 1, 2008, 10:57 PM

So lately I've been contemplating on the fact that I feel like I need to do something with my life...like go back to school. It's a really hard decision trying to figure out what you wanna do for the rest of your life, but honestly what else do I love besides animals? Being a part of a typical Filipino family, I get the whole, "Why do you work with dogs? Why don't you become a nurse? A doctor? A medical biller? yaddayaddayadda..." then I stop and think back to what I wanted to do since the beginning. Sure, I'll be a nurse. A nurse for animals, that is. It pisses me off so bad whenever they say those things to me. And you know what my answer is every time they ask me those questions? I tell them, "I don't like people." and they shut up :)

So I'm thinking about registering at the PVAS (Profession Veterinary Assistant School) in Garden Grove. I give credit to Vicky for telling me about the school back at the beginning of this year (and for filling me in with all the basic information I need to know). The school consists of 3 different programs that I can take (in order) which is Vet Attendant, Vet Assistant, and the alternative Vet Technician program. I hate general education classes. I never went to a community college for it because I don't believe in that crap. I'd rather go to a private school that solely focuses on ONE thing, not geometry or English. When am I ever going to concentrate on how shapes are formed? And I already know my English. Sure, private schools cost a lot of money, but nothing's for free. Tuition doesn't cost over $20,000 like Concorde or American Career College do. I just need to apply for a loan to help me get through. At least this school can guide me by finding a good job later on while I attend my classes. And at the same time I'm learning and gaining more experience. It'll take a few years, but what career path doesn't? Sure, I won't be making as much money as LVNs or RNs do, but I'll be doing what I love and that's most important to me.

I'm determined! I'm a hard working student. I actually like studying. Ha. I did get an A in my phlebotomy class; I just never went through with it because my passion was and always will be with animals.

Well on a lighter note, I'm still sad that this weekend had to end. I can't get over how good our little vacation in San Diego was. I miss it so bad! I wanna go back already! GAHH. And Wicked. We are going to see Wicked, damnit. No one is going to stop me. I've been dying to see that musical forever, and our plans just never worked through. So definitely this month or next month we're definitely gonna go see it (right TN?!) and we're dragging the boys along.

My top right wisdom tooth is KILLING me. It was supposed to be extracted 6 months ago, but I just let the thing continue to grow and give me migraines. God. I swear this week it just grew double its size, and the pain is just unbearable now. I'm ready to get it yanked out. Please God.

Well, I'm doing my overnight. Gotta catch up on some rest before I wake up at 4:30am. Peace guys.