Here we go again...
Saturday, September 27, 2008, 9:54 AM

So Thursday night I had an epiphany. Mark & I got into this big argument (over something really stupid)--we got all crazy on each other, breaking and throwing shit everywhere in the room, and he ended up ripping apart my PVAS school application. He was yelling shit like, "YEAH, GO HOME TO YOUR FUCKING DOGS. GO PAY FOR YOUR OWN FUCKING TUITION AND BECOME A VETERINARY TECHNICIAN..YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE ANY FUCKING MONEY ANYWAY; YOU'LL BE A NOBODY." And I was there crying, thinking, "God I hate him..I FUCKING HATE HIM." And I was contemplating over every damn thing that popped up into my head. I was ready to leave, just like I did at the beginning of the year. I was ready to get up and go back home to my parents.

Then I thought to myself about what I really wanted in my life. Was I seriously happy? Do I want to go to this school? Or am I just desperate for a way out? Was I being pressured too much? Am I overly stressing myself out? I was going crazy because I felt so angry at Mark since he always has the power to make me feel so pissed that I want to give up.

And THEN I thought, Why the fuck should I care what everyone else thinks of me? I would rather challenge myself into doing something I love instead of having it easy and take something I MAY love, but not as much as what I'm doing right now. As much as I hate working early in the morning or having an unbalanced schedule, I don't wanna leave my job. It's something I've gotten so used to (for the first time in my life). I always quit my jobs, but not this one. And maybe veterinary technology ISN'T for me. I kept telling myself since 2007, I want to be a veterinary tech, I want it so bad. Then I got this job at the dog day care, and I realize how much fun I have spending time with dogs more than anything. I love teaching them. I mean, everyone always tells me, "You should become a dog trainer." I would always say no because for one, I'm not a good public speaker, I feel I don't always have the patience, I don't want all that responsibility. But look at me, it's what we always do at work. If I enjoy THAT, will I enjoy being a veterinary technician even more? I think Mark ripping up my application gave me a second chance to think things over. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT EVERYONE THINKS OF ME NOW. Sure, I can be indecisive and insecure. I do things without thinking twice. I become desperate at times. But seriously, this is about me, not anyone else. I'm young and only human. My dad and I talked about it. He supports whatever I want. Plus, trainers make a good amount of money; maybe this will help me start my business one day :) I'm kinda glad Mark and I got into that fight. I wouldn't have thought so much. Usually those kinda nights make me not wanna do anything. I didn't wanna go to work; I didn't wanna go to school. I felt helpless because he has the ability to make me feel weak. But again, he is the one responsible for teaching me how to be strong & fight my challenges. I went to work. I researched online. ABC (Animal Behavior College) is where I belong. Now this is something I'm more determined about than ever.

I am excited, x100.






Hello, my name is Calee. I may have the same interests as many others, but I'm really different. I don't judge by looks or status. I get along with everybody, but I prefer to just associate with those who are open-minded and can really understand who I am and where I came from. I have a good life living with my boyfriend Mark. He's the best boyfriend ever; he's intelligent, focused, and he takes the best care of me. One thing that everyone knows about me is that I LOVE DOGS. I don't party much or get drunk whatsoever, but that doesn't stop me from having fun. I love food (who doesn't?), and I love sight-seeing, shopping, watching movies, singing, going to amusement parks, or watching shows. These blogs should give you a hint of what life's like: BUSY! Work, school, dogs, Mark, and all that good junk.

Links

Calee's Myspace

Mark's Myspace

spcaLA

Paramore's Official Website

Karmaloop

Past
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008