Tall tails.

Why?!

Saturday, August 16, 2008, 9:25 PM

Honestly, this past week has me feeling like shit. I haven't felt like this in a LONG while. Usually I'm more giddy and optimistic. But lately I've been constantly thinking so negatively, looking down on myself. I can't help it. I've been so stressed. Work wears me out to the point I wanna break down. I can't get sleep when I have to. I feel pressured. Then there's my future. My future consists of my big ass dream of owning my own business (of course, dealing with dogs). I feel like I SHOULD be going to school, but I don't have any idea WHERE and what I'd take up. It's hard seeing everyone going to such great schools--Mark starts in like 2 weeks at Concorde; everyone else is finishing up their GE's and what not. I'm here, clueless. Sure, I'm working full time, but deep down I feel like I'm wasting my life. And to make things worse, my diet is stopping me from turning to what I know FOR SURE will make me feel soooooooo much better--FOOD. Food food food. I'm craving for a nice load of McD's french fries *my favorite* or some cookies 'n cream ice cream. I try to think positively. I found my happiness when I had my dogs here (Margaux and Bonnie). They are what keep me busy, and I have them to keep me company all the time, and I love giving them all the attention they deserve. I'm sure you NON-ANIMAL LOVERS think that's FREAKY or WEIRD, but screw you. That's passion and dedication. I love my girls, they're like my kids; It's just hard when I have no one to talk to, especially around here in the South Bay since I didn't grow up here. I haven't made too many friends since the classes I took up at SCROC consisted of mostly middle aged women. I find it hard to trust people after I graduated high school (because it was so easy for me to trust anyone before that; smart move on my part). My emotions take over me, it's ridiculous. I feel I have no one to tell all my girly feelings to; Mark is NO OPTION because I already know what he's gonna say. It's always some sort of lecture (who wants to hear a fucking lecture from their boyfriend? yea, exactly...love you babe :D ), and it's not that easy to relate to your own boyfriend since he's a BOY. And it's not that I don't appreciate him being there for me; it's that feeling where you wish you had that extra good ol' girl friend who you can hang out with all the time when you need to get out of the house or when you're feeling down and you just wanna sit outside a coffee shop and have a stog. Or when you feel like spending money and you need a shopping partner...do you guys know what I'm saying? I feel really lame for venting this all out. Usually I wouldn't write any of this stuff in a freakin' BLOG. This is some deep stuff. It's really how I feel. It's been eating me up inside for the past week. I tell Mark all the time about it, but I'm sure he's tired of hearing it. I know, I know, I should be listening to his advice about how I should just concentrate on myself, focus on my responsibilities, and keep working hard. And I know that there are other people who have worse problems in the world to be concerned about, but it's just. ugh. Idk. I feel that I'm not that tough. I'm gonna shut up about it now.

Back to other stuff.

Bonnie got her stitches removed last Monday. She looked sooooo much better. Even though she looks kinda funky in the picture (she was in the car, it was hot, and she seemed really tired haha), she's healing pretty well. My dad said the swelling (the droopiness) is starting to go down. She looked like a mastiff haha. But my dad said as soon as she got home, she was giving Cinnamon and Lucky a ton of kisses (even though Lucky doesn't like it), and then she ran straight for the pen gate to stand and give Chumbah (her lovaaaaaaahh) nonstop kisses. Margaux attempted to say hi, but I think she got jealous since she's been spending all her time with Chumbah. Ah, those kids. Gotta love 'em.

I bought my dress for my cousin's wedding from Twelve by Twelve (Forever 21's line). There was this other really cute dress from Forever 21 that I wanted, but I felt it was too short / too casual-looking for a wedding. So I picked this dress. It's not too flashy or anything, which I would hate especially around a bunch of people, half I don't even know. Now I gotta get me some black pumps and a cute clutch, and I'll be good to go.

I wish I went to Six Flags yesterday for the KROQ show or to Warped today. I really wanted to see Katy Perry live. :( Too bad I had no energy to be walking around in the deadly hot sun over there in Valencia. And too bad I work tonight. GOD! I really wanted to see her too. I love that girl's style and voice. Totally unique. Oh well. Next time, next time.

I'm sorry to everyone who's been wanting to kick it. I hope you guys understand that I work full-time. I have no time to rest. I'm on this diet, and I'm concentrated on it. I have to especially because this diet ain't so cheap. I have to work out everyday, and it just cuts down my free time. I don't do anything but eat, work, sleep, shop. It's not like I drink alcohol or go clubbing. Ain't my style. So sorry. Look down on me all you want. But like I said earlier (and as a lot of people already know), I have a lot more responsibilities than most people my age. Some people grow up faster than others, especially since I don't live at home anymore.

Well, I gotta try & find time to exercise before I go to work early (not surprised). People need to stop calling out. Puts the burden on us, and I personally just wanna fucking RELAX.

Bye guys. Peace.